My Sister

Three weeks ago on this night I was summoning my muse to help me write the story of my sister's life. It's amazing to me that somehow I got it done, and I want to share it here.

On August 11, my sister died of a heart attack that she did not even know she'd had. She spent a week at home trying to get over what she thought was the flu. When she finally went to the doctor and learned that she'd had a heart attack five days prior, it was just too late. Things fell apart quickly and she died about 12 hours after she entered the hospital.

This is the story I wrote and shared at the visitation and funeral. There's more I want to write/say but I think about all the posts I've started and not published because I wanted them to be perfect. This is not perfect...but it's what I have at the moment. And it seems that the moment is all we have.

So, here's the story of Pat, my sister and lifelong friend.

Pat was born in Chicago on July 23, 1946, the first daughter of Fred and Babe Kerr. Bright, spirited and cute as a button, she charmed everyone, especially her father. Perhaps it was his absolute delight in her and the depth of this love that gave Pat her strength and the belief she could do anything she set out to do. And early on what she set out to do was make others happy.

When her parents welcomed another daughter, Dot, and son, Bob, Pat embraced being the big sister. It didn’t take long for her to take on the role she was born to play—caretaker, homemaker, mother.

Growing up, she stuck close to home, refusing to go away to camp or to sleepovers with friends or cousins. Afraid she would miss something, Pat needed to be home. She was known as the “pony express.” She knew EVERYTHING that was going on and to the dismay of her siblings, she made sure everyone else knew too.

As a teenager she said she couldn’t go out or do fun things because she had to do the cooking or the ironing. But in truth, home was where she was most comfortable. Fixing, cooking, cleaning, being home. Knowing that everyone was okay. That's what mattered to Pat back then and throughout her life.

In high school, she played saxophone in the band and excelled in her home economics classes. Sewing was her thing and it was to play a part in every phase of her life; sewing everything and anything for the family, owning and operating a dry cleaning business, sewing professionally for a formal apparel company, and running a side business of sewing and alterations in her home. She was never without needle and thread.

After high school, Pat found her calling with the birth of her daughter, Roxanne. Living in the apartment below her parent’s home in Chicago, she worked and went to school but her true happiness was found in being a mom. It was never easy, but Pat always said she wouldn’t change a thing.

She worked in the office of Standard Scientific in Chicago, and captured the eye and heart of her boss, Larry Layton. He says it was her can-do spirit and no-nonsense work ethic that first attracted him. They were married at St. Peter Lutheran Church in 1971.

She, of course, made her own wedding dress and the reception was held in the backyard of Pat and Larry's new house in Schaumburg. Opening their door to family, friends and neighbors set the tone for the life they would build together in that home over the next 42 years.

Within a couple of years of the wedding their son Patrick was born, followed by the birth of daughter Katie, and the family was complete.

The years flew by: room mother, lunch mother, Brownie leader, 4-H leader, Girl Scout leader, cheer mom, and baseball team mom. She was the go-to mom for many of Roxanne, Patrick and Katie’s friends. Pool parties, barbecues, craft nights. Graduations, weddings, baby showers. Remodeling, redecorating, forever fixing; making things better. The quintessential mom became the doting aunt, and finally, her ultimate pride and joy—four beautiful grandchildren. 

Never far from her roots, she saw or checked in with her parents everyday for as long as they lived. She was often the counselor and cheerleader for her sister and brother, and for countless friends. Generous to a fault, she would spend her last dollar and borrow another if it meant giving a loved one something they needed.

Pat loved kids and was a kid herself. Christmas was her holiday and she stopped at nothing to find the perfect gift for each niece, nephew and grandchild. All the kids remember the Christmas drill at Auntie Pat's:  "1. 2. 3. Open!"

She cared little for clothes or shopping for herself. A fun day for her was going to the gambling boat and playing the slots, or spending a day breezing through the shops in Geneva, always on the lookout for new kitchen gadgets. She was an avid reader and in recent years she became just a little addicted to playing on her iPad, a gift from her kids. She always wanted a convertible and allowed herself that one indulgence. Her license plate says it all: Sew Fine

Making others happy was her mission and she loved and worried and fretted over all of us... just as a mother does.

Beloved and dutiful daughter. Devoted sister. Proud aunt. Loyal friend. Above all loving wife and mother and grandmother. Love you and miss you "all the muches."